Charlie Wouldn't Let Him Make the Call

Wicket would be dead if for no other reason than Wicket had relaxed while Golem worked. This was the extent to which Golem had become perverted. He no longer saw the world in terms of a mix of sociological events. He saw it as the world against him. This was what led Golem to kill the girl on the sofa, he thought. She had OD’d. He could have saved her, but he let her die. He had put her in the shower to wake her up, but had then put her back on the sofa and allowed her to fall asleep—for no reason really. He possibly thought she might talk to Wicket but that was an afterthought. Actually, he thought he had killed her for the fun of killing. It must have been something like that, but his last memory was of reaching out for a telephone. He would not say that at his trial, of course. He would plead insanity. But he would say he was trying to do the right thing. He was trying to get the girl off the sofa in his own way. The truth of the matter was that he was bored with this chick and that recently she was making claims on his life. At least this is what he perceived. He had gotten what he wanted from her and it was time to move on. As a human mind will do on occasion, Golem’s mind did not let him see that he did have a reason — he would have gone to prison if the girl told of the relationship, but the intricacies of human thought sometimes lead a soul to forget what is in their interest to know. It may be that Golem tortured himself for the murder as a self-inflicted punishment and closed the door on any thoughts that made him out to appear innocent. When he resided in the chamber of good, Golem could only think in terms of being responsible for every result of his involvement in a situation. It was a kind of private torture chamber or a kind of personal hell where he held himself to a higher standard than even an angel measured off with a ruler. Life was tough when he looked at himself with those eyes and saw how he was responsible for, or should have been able to prevent any evil thing that he was a part of merely by having gotten involved in a situation. If he had not brought the girl into his office she would still be alive or so he thought. Like a pebble dropped in an ocean, he had created a wave on the other side. He blamed himself for the ripples he made in the world even though those ripples were turned into tsunamis by the movement of the Earth’s crust. Still, if the ripple hadn’t been there. Yet, this sensitivity may have been the same sensitivity that allowed him to see the beauty in life and into the inner workings of the mind of God. Golem may have been living on Earth when he should have been in Heaven. He sometimes considered that it was the physical existence on Earth that got him into trouble—some material element like temptation that a soul was attracted to while on a planet. A planet where even angelic people could find themselves mixed up in some horrendous situation. If only he realized that no one expected people to be perfect, he may have been more satisfied but for now this concept was not a part of his psyche.